JWG's Unpaved Roads — April 1, 2013 4:45 p.m.

Zwerglipatch  April 1, 2013 4:45 p.m. EDT

I ended this morning’s musing prematurely as René and I had to do our weekly food shopping at Giunta’s. Our refrigerator is never kept overflowing. We do not like to waste food. Although, we do eat heartily. René is now “the cook” and I am “the baker”. We share the washing-up duties. (I write this as it is a question that is often asked of us. We assume it is due to the fact we are a same-sex household.)

Before we do our shopping, we go to our local Friendly’s for breakfast. (We have learned to fill our stomachs before we shop for food. How many of us tend to over buy when we are hungry? When hungry, I tend to buy munchies and desserts  especially ice cream. We New Englanders are known for our consumption of ice cream.) During breakfast, I spoke of this morning’s musing. (Each night, I read, to René, what I wrote that day.) I asked René what he thought of our lives together now that we are married. His reply was typically succinct for René the Swiss. He said, “Marriage is like a well-worn rug.” How I laughed. I had to share what René said to our friendly wait-person, Karen. Her immediate response was, “A shag rug?” Again, we all laughed. René said, “A well-made, vintage, wool carpet.” And, that answer was all I got from René. It did suffice, no?

As we left Friendly’s, I asked another question of René: “Would you ever have thought that we would be so out outside of Manhattan?” René’s quick reply was, “No.” My answer to that was, “This World is, indeed, changing.”

Many here in Hauppauge, and Long Island, know, and accept, René and I as a same-sex couple. We are encouraged to be ourselves — to be a “Couple”. We are not afraid to walk along the streets.

I wish I could say that the above paragraph can be said of every town in this Country. I cannot. In fact, truthfully, we both fear certain places. We know we are not welcome. We know some think nothing of harming those they fear. Believe me when I say that no one of any age has anything to fear when they see René and I. As I said, we have always lived by George Washington’s words — we have always conducted our lives as worthy Citizens. We have always followed The Golden Rule which is at the heart of many of this World’s religions.

During the past year, I have shared a mere few months of the days — moments — René and I have spent together. I have begun our tale of love and intend to fill in any holes about which my readers are wondering. I will say: It took over thirty years for René and I to get the official okay to marry. It will not take thirty years for me to tell our story.

This past January, as René and I were preparing to leave for our winter vacation in Todos Santos, Baja California, Mexico, I was delightfully surprised to receive an e-mail from Patch’s Lon Cohen asking me if it would be okay to interview me. I gave him my instant consent. Before we left for Mexico, Lon and Peter Verry had published the interview.

What surprised me is that Lon asked questions which proved he read what I wrote. As a performer, I was interviewed many times, and, was many times misquoted. I am happy to say that these new, electronic days are good in avoiding mistakes. The published words I saw were my answers to Lon’s questions. However, I did not answer the question Peter Verry asked which began this journey, for me, down new paths — new roads that, for me, are still not paved. My words are macadam that require me to compact them into a cognizant reply.

The relief I felt when René and I married was profound. A new beginning to our story where much chaff was blown away. Do I wish we could have married decades ago? Yes. More so, I wish that many people who existed centuries ago could have enjoyed the happiness we who live in these days are experiencing. Even though these United States are not United in acceptance, it is better living here than in a country where homosexuality is punished by death as happened last week when an eighteen-year-old man was crushed with stones for loving another man. For me, reading, and seeing pictures, of such news speaks volumes about the barbarism which exists — and, more frightfully, could exist in this Country of ours which expounds Freedom. We are not all Free. We have work, as a whole, to do before we can rightfully accept this label as a totally “Free Country”. Too, too many fearmongers share our Citizenship.

When I married René, who has a dual citizenship in these United States and Switzerland, he insisted in registering me as his legally-wed Partner in the country of his birth.

On December 8, 2011, we received a letter from the Consulate General of Switzerland’s office to inform us that our “partnership has been inscribed in the family registries in Uster, Canton of Zurich, and Buccholterberg, Canton of Bern.” We were also wished “a HAPPY HOLIDAY SEASON!”

How could we not be happy receiving such an official letter? It is more than we received from this country — the country of my birth.

Each month, since our marriage, more and more people — friends, family, and strangers — have been introduced to us. We have had no problems being presented as “a married couple”.

Do not get me wrong as we have a few family members who are supposedly close to us who have not said a single word about us as a married couple. Their silence does hurt, but, does not surprise us. I doubt we will ever have their acceptance. As I said, it is only a few. Most of our relatives are relieved that René and I have finally been allowed to marry. As  René’s Aunt in Switzerland said, “What took you so long?”

And, I am sure you recall my Mother’s statement after she congratulated me: “It will be a bumpy road.”

Our lives together have been on a bumpy road. Although, living in Manhattan was rather smooth. Now, we live in René’s adopted hometown of Hauppauge (his parents moved here when he was eleven-years-old) where we are finding smooth roads, too.

Frankly, our lives have not changed. What has changed is perceptions. We now have the ability to be treated as a unit. It is expected that we can answer for one another. It is understood that we genuinely care for each other’s health — both physical and mental. And, all of this is due to that piece of paper deemed a Marriage License.

I am relieved that we are able to know this privilege. I never thought we would — or could.

I am relieved People are now realizing that same-sex couples are their friends, neighbors, and fellow Citizens who desire nothing more than equality. Again, I quote President George Washington who wrote the following to The Hebrew Congregation in Newport in August 1790: “The Citizens of The United States of America have a right to applaud themselves for having given to mankind examples of an enlarged and liberal policy — a policy worthy of imitation. All possess alike liberty of conscience and immunities of citizenship.  ...inherent natural rights, for happily, the Government of the United States, which gives to bigotry no factions, to persecution no assistance, requires only that they who live under its protection should demean themselves as good citizens in giving it on all occasions their effectual support.”

Who among us can refute the Father of Our Country, George Washington? His acts of piety and charity are renowned. I applaud his candor. I extol his liberality. I am certain René and I would have his support today. It seems to me George Washington never needed to evolve. He was forever true to each individual Citizen. He knew what the word Freedom meant.

My conscience, as an American Citizen, and, as a Swiss Partner, is free. My life is complete with René. Our marriage has given us the opportunity to simply Be. We are what you see. We are not wraiths. We are flesh and blood. We knew who we were long before we realized the term “sexual awakening”. In that, we were both lucky to have avoided the mishmash of coming out of the proverbial closet. We always knew who we were and how we felt.

It is true, as gay men, our own generation did not have the freedom to celebrate our sexuality as many of our peers did. We had to mask our emotions. When we got married, holding each other’s hand before a large crowd of People who were our witnesses, it was a true event. We both thought of Friends who are no longer here in this World who would have been proud to attend our wedding. In this Country, no matter what the Courts decide, a beginning has started to shift the dynamics of our Society towards acceptance which leads to understanding which leads to Freedom.

The marriage I have is the ultimate personification of Freedom. My right as a Citizen to Love out in the open, well, you know what I mean, is appreciated. As ever, I thank those who support us. Same-sex marriage is new in the fact that it has been acknowledged by Governments. However, and this is what People are now, at last, discovering: Same-sex relationships have always been around and shall always exist.