Relationship Commandment III - Make Dates With Your Spouse.

No one will argue that life is a busy place. We get caught up in the everyday rat race of  work, shuttling the kids here and there, chores, and well you get the point. As the responsibilities of life pile up, things get put on the back burner. Unfortunately, far too often it’s our intimate relationship. We put our relationship at the bottom of the to-do list and wake up one day baffled that it’s in disarray.

We often take the most important relationship in our adult life for granted. One reason this happens is that when we start out, the relationship appears to be good and when the relationship is good, we perceive that it doesn’t need attention.  Sadly, good things will turn bad if you don’t maintain them and this can prove to be detrimental not only to your love relationship but to all relationships.

Your close love relationship is the relationship on which all other relationship rest. Think of it as the first story of your  house and if the first floor is weak than all others are unstable. When the winds of turmoil rock the first floor, the others become shaky as well.

Let’s contemplate this for a moment shall we. A stable loving marriage provides safety for all members, especially children. The most important thing you can provide your children is the feeling of safety.  The irony is, it’s the effort that goes into caring and providing for the children can lead to neglecting the primary relationship. This neglect leads to couples growing apart which result in fighting. Fighting leaves    the people who you were trying to care for feeling unsafe.

The effect of marital discord on children is well documented. Feel free to do the research if you don’t believe it. In a nutshell, marital discord can delay a child’s emotional and intellectual development.

Strain on a love relationship can also affect you in a myriad of other ways. If your personal life is engulf in arguing, it will be increasingly difficult to perform at your peak level. This is due to our pesky brain. The brain focuses on problems in an attempt to find solutions. Because we are social creatures, strain on close emotional connections causes the brain to panic. We’re just hardwired that way.  It will use valuable brain real estate that could be better used for other task on looking for solutions. 

As your brain searches for solutions your job will suffer. You will be unable to give you full attention to your work as you, at least in part, focused on the problems in your relationship. Your hobbies will suffer for the same reason. You will be unable to give full attention to other relationships like friends and family.

Don’t panic though, the fix is easy. Put the maintenance of your relationship at the top of your to-do list. Make time for each other away from distractions. Get a baby sitter, turn off the electronics and spend time every week with each other. Make a commitment to a date night every week. Make a little time for each other every day.

It doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant. Drives in the car, a walk on the beach, a back massage are some good ideas. How look at old photos or recall fun times? Remember why and how much you love each other

It’s not necessarily the quantity of time you send together but the quality.