A Valentine's Day Menage A Trois

‎"Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin... it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring." - J. Perelman

C'mon! Obviously, that was January of 2012 just whizzing by. Darn! Evidently, we're now less than a year away from the end of the Mayan Long Count Calendar… and possibly the world. And with February comes Valentine's Day -- time to celebrate romance, affection and love.  If you believe in that kind of thing.

[Will I be celebrating St. Valentine's Day in my traditional way? You betcha! See my last blog installment, "The Tradition, Interrupted" for a fully astounding, soul-numbing explanation].

According to Wikipedia, there were 14 Christian martyrs in Rome named "Saint Valentine," and the February 14 "Feast of St. Valentine" was dedicated to at least one of them.

For many people, Valentine's Day also brings to mind visions of Cupid, the son of Venus and Mars in Roman mythology. Cupid is known for his use of a bow and arrow to instill raging desire into mortals and gods alike.

[I was gonna try to make a clever connection between Cupid, Saint Valentine, and another martyr, Saint Sebastian, who is often depicted in paintings as having been pierced by multiple arrows. The joke was gonna be about unrequited love, with the punchline being "He loved too much," or something like that, but screw it...Incidentally, Saint Sebastian recovered his arrow-riddling, but was later beaten to death for criticizing the Emperor of Rome, who referred to him as "Sebastian, That Loudmouth"].

Stop.

Speaking of Venus and Mars, in my astrological birth chart I have something called a "Venus-Mars Conjunction." I’ve been told by astrologer types that one aspect of a Venus-Mars Conjunction is that it's  indicative of someone that believes in the concept of "soulmates" ("The Soulmate Conjunction") and that people with this same astrological hiccup can sense it in each other.

Right, [insert your name here]? You feel it too, don’t you?

[Seriously. I know you've been checking me out on Facebook. Truth be told, I'm kinda flattered].

***

So, here are some wines the ladies might especially enjoy this Valentine's Day. And if the ladies are happy, EVERONE is happy.

Rosa Regale Brachetto d’Acqui D.O.C.G. 

Banfi's delicious Rosa Regale is a semi-dry, ruby-colored sparkling wine with raspberry and strawberry flavors. Consisting of 100%  brachetto grapes  from the town of Acqui Terme in Italy’s Piedmont region, the chemistry behind Rosa Regale seems almost miraculous; it’s a perfect balance of sweet and dry flavors, with a surprising depth and complexity.

Legend has it that both Julius Caesar and Marc Antony wooed Cleopatra with brachetto-filled gourds, and that Cleo felt the wine ignited the passions of both suitors upon their drinking it. Why not get some Rosa Regale and verify that for yourself?

Menage a Trois Red

I'm not sure what exactly the name of this wine means when it's translated into English, but during a recent Happy Hour two very cute women I'd just met asked me if I wanted one of these.  I yelled, "Hell YEAH! I LOVE that wine!" only to have them both look at me, disgusted, like I'd just asked them for a threesome or something. I really need to polish up on my game.

So anyhoo, Menage a Trois Red is a California blend of Zinfandel, Merlot and Cabernet. It's just a really nice combination of flavors that makes me feel kinda warm inside… not too heavy, not too light, just right. Want a Valentine's Day you’ll both remember forever? As you pour your sweetie a glass of Menage a Trois, ask how her hot girlfriend is doing… then point to the wine name on the label and wink. Valentine's Day will suddenly seem like the Fourth of July, explosions and all!

[Okay, enough threesome jokes already, Rich].

The Stump Jump Sticky Chardonnay

D'Arenberg's  Stump Jump Sticky Chardonnay is a late harvest wine produced from grapes out of botrytis-infected McLaren Vale and Adelaide Hills vineyards. VERY sweet and syrupy with a nice hint of raspberry, Stump Jump Sticky Chardonnay maybe not technically be an ice wine, but it sure drinks a lot like one.

[Y’know, I’ve been thinking about placing subliminal messages in the text of these blog installments for a while now. This is the first blog with a secret code in it, so I'll make it easy: note the first letter of some words. First person to point the code out to me gets a box of chocolates].

Have a great Valentine's Day. I'll be continuing my holiday tradition of lying on the couch naked in a fetal position, weeping… except that Naomi Watts, Jessica Biel and Katherine Heigl will join me this year…

…in my mind.